Bounty

My daughter will only sleep if I stay with her - it's exhausting

The only way my daughter (almost 1) will sleep is if I rock her or lie on the bed with her. She also wakes several times during the night. It's exhausting - what can I do?

Having a baby that doesn’t sleep is exhausting. Your little girl thinks that the only way she can fall asleep is with your help and each night that you do this, it reinforces that thought.

She needs to have the confidence in herself that she can fall asleep on her own and you need to help her achieve this. The easiest way to do this is to start at her daytime nap. This means that has 1 or 2 chances at learning to fall asleep alone before bedtime.

Wait until she is tired but not overtired

Then take her upstairs, have some soothing music playing in the room and place her in her cot. Say, “Have a good nap!” Then leave the room.

Spaced soothing

Now you can start my “Spaced Soothing” technique. This will reassure that when she is upset you will always go into soothe her but it will also give her the confidence that she can go to sleep by herself.

Wait for 5 minutes before you go in, listening for quiet gaps. (If there is you can leave it longer as this is your baby’s way of saying she is trying to go to sleep on her own.) When you go in gently say “Sssh”, stroke her head, and put your hand firmly on her chest. Do this for 1-2 minutes and then leave the room. Continue this every 5 minutes (This is the time for a 1 year old). Please remember your baby is only upset because she is tired and frustrated and just wants to go to sleep, not because she is hurt. Some Mums actually leave it longer before they go in as it sometimes makes your baby more cross if you go in too often. I recommend that your baby is not left any longer than 10 minutes before going in to soothe them. If your baby doesn’t settle after 30 minutes then get her up and try again later. When you wake your little girl, make a big fuss of her and make her feel happy when she is in her cot. This means she will soon love going to sleep in her cot.

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My baby screams for hours at night - I feel like a rubbish mum

My 3-week-old baby used to be such a brilliant sleeper that she would sleep anywhere. Now she doesn’t seem to sleep at all and when I try and get her to sleep at night she just seems to scream for hours. I am so tired and feel like a rubbish Mum.

When your baby was first born she was very tired and was happy to sleep all the time. After 2 weeks your baby has now started to wake up which is very normal. She is starting to take an interest in the world around her and doesn’t want to miss a thing.

Nap time

You will need to put her down for her naps somewhere where she can switch off and have some quiet. Using her Nursery for daytime naps is a great idea, as it will get her used to it. Close the blinds/curtains so that she isn’t stimulated by light, swaddle her to stop the “startle” reflex and leave the room.

Small babies still sleep a lot, so she can only stay awake for about an hour before she starts getting tired. Make sure that you put her down before she gets overtired.

Signs of tiredness are a short cry, staring into space and yawning. When you see her do these things, if you take her to her nursery straight away she will learn how to settle herself very quickly.

Overtired

When she screams at night it is because she is overtired and over stimulated. To stop her getting distressed have her night time feed with low lights and no talking or noise. You will soon find that she will settle more easily in the day and night and you will soon start to enjoy your baby more as you come to understand her better.

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My toddler refuses to nap!

My 2 yr old sleeps well at night, but refuses to sleep during the day and is often tired and cranky by late afternoon. How can I persuade her to take a nap?

It is very difficult to get an active toddler to have an afternoon nap. Giving your toddler an incentive to have a nap is the key.

Set up a reward system for them. Each day they have a nap they get a sticker on their chart if they do it 4 days out of 5 they get a small gift. When it’s time to have a nap sit on the bed, next to the cot with them and read a story then snuggle them down and remind them about the sticker or present. Tell them that you are just going to do something and that you will be back in 5 minutes to see if they are doing well. Then return to the bedroom after 5 minutes for a peek. Try not to have a nap too late, after lunch is always a good time. Also always wake them after 2 hours or it will start to impact their nights sleep. Please continue this reward system for at least 2 weeks and you will soon be reaping the rewards.

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My toddler wakes every night at 2am

My 14-month-old boy has a bath then comes downstairs to have his milk in front of the TV. He then runs around and doesn’t seem tired at all...

...When he wears himself out he has a cuddle with us on the sofa and falls asleep. When we go to bed we put him in his cot, he then wakes at 2am and won’t go back to sleep. Help!!

Your little boy is overtired and over stimulated by the TV. This is why he runs around the room; it’s not that he isn’t tired he just doesn’t know how to switch off. Starting a bedtime routine with your little boy will help him wind down and understand its time to go to sleep.

Start at the same time every night. Give him a bath and get him ready for bed in his room, with low lights and soothing music. Then give him his milk while reading him a story and settle him in his cot. He will soon start to enjoy his story and bedtime routine. If he wakes up during the night, go in and reassure him all is ok, then give him time to re settle himself. As he is now falling asleep in his cot he won’t be startled at his new surrounds (as he would have done when he fell asleep in your arms!) You will find that he sleeps very deeply as he learns to fall asleep by himself and night time wakes will be a thing of the past.

* The information in these answers is not a substitute for examination, diagnosis or treatment by a Health Care Professional. If you are worried, please consult your HCP.